Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
