Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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