During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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