You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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