we have officially lost it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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