why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
