i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
