I'm gonna have a badass scar
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
