i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
