I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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