I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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