Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
