Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
