You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
