My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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