EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
