i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
