I'm lost and stupid without you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
