If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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