she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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