Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
