batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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