Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
