he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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