How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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