I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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