She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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