a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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