I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Randomize
