My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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