he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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