never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
