Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
