i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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