I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
