Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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