My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
