i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
