If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
barbara walters just said penis...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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