Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
