who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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