Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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