we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
