he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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