Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
