hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
