I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
