Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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