I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
