yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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