How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
