Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
