i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
