quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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