I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
