NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
