Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
