she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
