If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
