So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
