This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Buhtt sex?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
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