I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
