God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
