mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
