I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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