he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
