are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
