i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
