i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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