i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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