barbara walters just said penis...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
