State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
