I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
