So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
