hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
