The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
