After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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